𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐈𝐬 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠
𝒜 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓁𝑒𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑜𝓃𝑒𝓈 𝓌𝒶𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓊𝓅
I didn’t write Sober Sex because I wanted to talk about sobriety.
I wrote it because I needed to talk about presence.
About what happens when we stop running from our own skin.
About what it really means to say yes when your body has been trained to freeze, fawn, or nod with a smile that doesn’t match the ache behind your eyes.
I wrote it because I’ve lived it.
Because for too many years, I didn’t know how to tell the difference between being willing and being ready. Between performing and consenting. Between surrender and self-abandonment.
And because I know what it’s like to pour another glass of wine not to celebrate, but to soften.
To say, “Okay, just this once,” while everything inside you is screaming no.
To need something (anything) to blur the edges just enough so that your partner’s needs are easier to meet than your own truth is to speak.
And it’s not just women.
I wrote this book for the men too.
The ones who were taught to pursue, perform, and conquer, but never taught how to feel.
The ones who use substances to feel confident, to initiate, to hide their fear that maybe they’re not enough, or too much, or just not safe to be themselves.
This book… it isn’t just a book.
It’s a mirror.
A map.
A permission slip.
A reckoning.
It’s a hand reaching across the divide between “functional” and “free.”
Because we’re all a little tired of pretending that everything’s fine when it’s not.
That sex is always pleasurable. That connection always comes easy. That our trauma only lives in our past.
Spoiler: it doesn’t.
It lives in our breath.
In the way we pull away when someone gets too close.
In the way we need a buzz to be touched.
In the way we confuse obligation for intimacy.
In the way we perform our way through pleasure.
This is what Sober Sex is about.
It’s not about perfection.
It’s not about white-knuckling your way through a “clean” lifestyle.
It’s not even about swearing off wine or weed or whatever your chosen fog is.
It’s about asking the question: What am I trying not to feel right now?
It’s about inviting yourself back to your body, not for performance, but for presence.
It’s about healing.
The kind that doesn’t look perfect on a grid.
The kind that happens in quiet moments, when the lights are off and no one is watching and you finally choose yourself.
I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again:
You don’t need to quit drinking to benefit from this book.
You don’t even need to identify as someone who struggles.
You just need to be curious.
Curious about the way you show up in intimacy.
Curious about the stories you tell yourself before your clothes come off.
Curious about what real consent feels like, not just between two people, but within your own spirit.
Because here’s the truth:
Consent isn’t a checkbox.
It’s an embodiment.
And when you are numbed, by substances, by trauma, by social scripts,
you’re not actually free.
I don’t care if you said yes with a giggle and a kiss.
If your nervous system was hijacked, your yes wasn’t fully yours.
And no one talks about this.
Not enough, anyway.
So, I wrote this book because we need new language.
New frameworks.
New invitations.
And also, because we need something old.
Something ancient.
Something sacred and bone-deep and holy.
Something that says:
You were never meant to abandon yourself for love.
You don’t have to disappear to be touched.
You don’t have to go numb to be desired.
I don’t know where this book will take you.
Maybe to the memory you’ve buried for a decade.
Maybe to the conversation you’ve been avoiding with your partner.
Maybe to the mirror, where you finally meet yourself with softness.
Maybe you’ll highlight a page.
Maybe you’ll rage through another.
Maybe you’ll cry.
That’s okay.
Let it all come up.
This book is just a beginning, a gentle place to land. A fierce place to rise.
To those of you who have downloaded it already…
Who’ve whispered, “Oh my God, someone finally put it into words.”
Who’ve left a review, tagged me, texted me…
Thank you.
You are why I wrote this.
You are not alone.
You’ve never been broken.
Only unseen.
But you’re here now.
And I see you.
To those who haven’t grabbed it yet, it’s FREE on Kindle for a few more hours.
Grab it. Share it. Read it slowly.
Let it hold you where you need holding.
Let it stretch you where you’re ready to grow.
And if it speaks to you, let me know.
Your story is safe here.
Your truth is safe here.
And this book?
It’s just the beginning.
📘 Sober Sex: Embracing the Power of Intimacy Without Escape
➤ Free on Kindle until midnight tonight
➤ Paperback available at launch price through August 1st
➤ Book club begins July 15th (more info coming soon)
👉 Free Kindle
👉Discounted Paperback
👉 Share. Highlight. Reflect. Tag me. Let’s build a new way forward.
As always loving you from here,
Rene Schooler